Yesterday I began my first day of babysitting two babies, one of them being my own son and the other was my cousin's son. If you would've asked me two years ago if I thought I would be here now, I would have laughed in your face. If you would've asked me even a year ago if I thought I would be here now, I would have still laughed in your face, maybe just not as loud. So much has changed for me in the last year and a half, changes I thought that I wouldn't have to make for a few more years, if ever. But here I sit, writing this post while my baby plays behind me.
I have to be honest: I have cried many, many times about the loss of my dreams. If you know me well, you know that my life plan was to move to New York City the second I graduated whether I was employed or not. I was going to make it happen. And then Valentine's Day 2018 came and my dream was DOA. This is the part of becoming a mom that I've struggled with. Even now I feel a twinge of loss every time I see a person I know living the life in NYC that I always pictured for myself. I wonder sometimes if I'll ever be able to fully let go of that. But yesterday helped.
On my way to my new childcare gig, I decided to restart an old habit I had while I would commute to and from my internship in NYC: listening to podcasts. It made the monotony of the drive (or subway ride in NYC), seem more interesting as I learned about the daily news from the New York Times or caught up on some "on this day" facts in 10 minutes or less. After listening to The Daily, I decided to flip on the Realization Podcast from fashion industry insider Idalia Salsamendi. Her latest episode was with Mary Lawless Lee from the blog Happily Grey, a favorite of mine. It wasn't the fashion or her soon-to-arrive baby or even her new business that caught my attention, it was her gratefulness for not being based in NYC. If you aren't familiar with Mary, she's a Texas native that now resides in Nashville, and she's made a pretty successful career as a blogger there. Think 900,000 Instagram followers and invites to fashion weeks successful.
“More is not always more.” This is what Mary said that made me perk up. I wanted the more, I thought I need the more, but as she also said, you need to “enjoy where you live.” Within five minutes, what Mary said really changed my perspective on my life. I love my son and wouldn’t trade him for the world, but I felt that I was still mourning the loss of my dreams. Just a few well-spoken words changed my mind. “You don’t need to be in a big city to do this,” she said, and she’s right. Being in the suburbs of Chicago does not mean that I cannot do this. If anything, it helps me stand out because I can be the “big fish in my small pond,” as Idalia said. So I guess this podcast was my recommitment to blogging despite everything going on in my
life, and it was also my OK to let go of my sadness. If Mary can do it, so can I.
Photos courtesy of @realizationpodcast